


Kill me. But screw me first.

by sohappyiclddie



Category: American Horror Story, American Horror Story: Hotel
Genre: Angst, Complicated Relationships, Confessions, F/F, Feels, Femslash, Hatred, Hurt/Comfort, Love, Love/Hate, Mention of Death, Oral Sex, Porn with Feelings
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-12
Updated: 2021-02-03
Packaged: 2021-03-16 20:09:05
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,099
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28712568
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sohappyiclddie/pseuds/sohappyiclddie
Summary: Ramona has been waiting for this moment for over 20 years. She is so close to finally getting her revenge on the Countess after all the pain she caused her. But before Elizabeth surrenders to her, she has one final request. To be taken back to a time before all the hurt and the pain.
Relationships: Countess Elizabeth Johnson/Ramona Royale
Kudos: 46





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Character spoilers for American Horror Story: Hotel.  
> This is the continuation of their scene in American Horror Story Season 5, Episode 11 “Battle Royale” after the cut.

It had been years, no, _decades_ since Ramona had gotten this close to Elizabeth. She had fantasized about this moment for a long time. Getting right up close and being able to just take her life from her. Slit her throat. Carve her heart out of her chest. Whatever she felt like in the moment, whatever she wanted.

And now that exact moment had come. The moment where she got closer than she'd ever imagined Elizabeth letting her. Lying underneath her in the most vulnerable position, bullet wounds still pulsing all over her body, making it hard for her to move, and no blade on her finger nails.

Elizabeth was well aware that Ramona could kill her at any given moment, if she wanted to. She was also aware that Ramona _did_ want to. And yet there was something inside of her that still held on to the hope that there was one last glimmer of love, one last glimmer of forgiveness inside of Ramona that would let her live and escape this hell hole.

That silent hope was fueled by the conflict she saw in Ramona's eyes when she looked down at her. She could smell her rage, yet feel her hesitation. And she could hear her heart beating fast, like it did when Elizabeth first brought Ramona up to her suite 38 years earlier. That first time making love. A beautiful but now only distant memory. And yet this moment they were living right now felt eerily similar.

Ramona's brown eyes were still staring deeply into Elizabeth's but now they wandered down to her lips, slowly leaning in closer until her own lips met the blonde's in a soft but lingering kiss. Elizabeth closed her eyes, fully taking in the feeling she'd been missing for so long. A kiss that Ramona had initiated.

And within seconds Elizabeth felt herself being catapulted back to simpler times. Times when they were happy together, using every opportunity they could find to fuck or make out or snuggle up to one another. Times when they felt safe in each other's arms and presence.

Right now Elizabeth probably shouldn't feel safe. She had basically given up all her power and was surrendering completely to Ramona who was still hovering over her. The only weapon she had left was her mind and her words. And her eyes.

Those eyes had always been one of Elizabeth's most mesmerizing features to Ramona. Yes, she had a gorgeous body and her blonde hair looked angelic the way it flowed down her shoulders. But those eyes, they could hold real power over her. And right now Ramona was looking at them again.

Just like nearly 40 years earlier, all they made her think about was wanting to kiss Elizabeth again and again. And that kiss she had just placed on her lips, it had caused a feeling to bubble up inside of her that she hadn't felt in a long time.

She had felt glimpses of it earlier when Elizabeth had kissed her. But now that she was in control, it was a whole new level of intensity.

All these years she'd thought her hatred for Elizabeth had completely eradicated the love she once felt for her. She thought that first her love for Mo and then the pain she felt when Elizabeth killed him had overshadowed anything she ever felt for the blonde. And the more her hatred grew, the more she was convinced any sign of love or feelings were gone.

What she had never considered was that the love she still had for Elizabeth was the actual reason she grew to hate her so much. The reason she was so angry at her for all the pain she'd caused her.

The only reason she wanted her to suffer was because she herself had never _even for a moment_ stopped loving her in spite of _everything_ that happened. And that had hurt like hell. So much so that she completely numbed the parts of herself that felt any kind of romantic love.

She wanted to blind herself from it, convince herself that it wasn't real, that it didn't exist. And now here she was, lying on top of her ex-girlfriend, having a resurgence of all those feelings. She was ready to fuck the living shit out of her.

Her eyes began moving down lower to the hems of her robe as she slowly pulled them apart, exposing more of her cleavage, as well as one of the bullet wounds on her chest. She huffed and lightly smoothed her finger over it, before she looked up at Elizabeth, who was lightly contorting her face in pain. "They got you good, huh?" she commented.

"Well, clearly not good enough or else you'd be fucking a ghost right now," Elizabeth retorted sarcastically.

"Good point," Ramona remarked with a faint smirk and focused her attention back on the robe the blonde was wearing. She brought her fingers to the strap that was hugging the robe tightly around Elizabeth's waist, and pulled on it, causing it come undone and the robe to slowly come apart, revealing more and more of her rosy skin. And bullet wounds. "How many times exactly did they hit you?" she asked.

"Three. I think," Elizabeth answered in a mumble as she looked down at her body, before resting her head back against the pillow and biting her tongue to keep from tearing up. So much loss she had experienced in a matter of hours. Rudy. Donovan. Her children. The only one she had left was her baby boy. And in a few more minutes that boy was about to lose his mommy too.

"Come on now, they won't last much longer," Ramona commented because in all honesty she wasn't used to the Countess being so fragile. Usually Elizabeth took wounds like this in her stride without getting so emotional. Ramona looked at the blonde and brushed her thumb across her cheek. "Tell me what's really going on."

Elizabeth scoffed. "Can't you just fuck me and get it over with?" she grumbled.

"You want me to fuck you while you're crying? Sweetie, that's a major turn off," Ramona noted.

"I'm not crying," Elizabeth grunted.

"Baby, chances are you're not gonna be alive for much longer anyway so you might as well be open with me so we can get to the fun part," Ramona countered and looked at her more sincerely. She couldn't believe that she actually cared about Elizabeth's feelings right now but at the same time it gave her joy to see her suffer and the more details of her sorrow she got, the better.

Elizabeth rolled her eyes a bit, before shaking her head. "My children are dead. Donovan is dead. Ru-" She cut herself off and closed her eyes, the emotional pain now overshadowing the physical. "I lost everything. Again," she whispered as a tear rolled down her cheek.

Ramona could've focused on the part that Elizabeth was keeping from her but she was more surprised by the fact that her children were gone. "Your children? If I didn't kill them, who did?" she asked surprised because Liz and Iris certainly hadn't told her anything about that and it felt like a detail they wouldn't have kept from her, had they done it.

Elizabeth squeezed her eyes shut again, her hand balling into a fist as she tried to push away the emotional pain it caused her. "It doesn't matter," she shook her head again as more tears flowed down her cheeks. "You don't need another reason to hate me."

Ramona raised her eyebrows at her. She had expected a lot but she hadn't thought of the possibility of Elizabeth killing her own children. "You?" she asked surprised.

"Sally gave me their blood to keep me alive. She didn't give me a choice." Elizabeth nearly choked on her own words and Ramona began to realize why it caused her so much pain. To her those children had never seemed like anything more than blood purifiers. Elizabeth just caught them on the street and turned them for her own gain.

But at the same time deep down she knew that that wasn't all Elizabeth was ever out for. She actually did care for those children even if in her mind Ramona had made her out to be a person who cared about no one but herself.

Ramona looked down at her, gently wiping her tears with her thumb. Then she leaned in slowly and pressed a gentle but lingering kiss to her lips again. And this time, she didn't pull away. She continued kissing her until she could feel some of the tension leave Elizabeth's body.

That kiss brought Elizabeth a comfort she hadn't expected. It brought her a feeling of safety that she didn't know she needed. She was lying underneath the very woman who wanted nothing more than to kill her, yet she felt safe. She felt the way she used to feel when she was sad and Ramona would hold her and kiss her until she felt better.

Ramona's kisses began moving from her lips, down to her neck, turning wetter and wetter as she licked her lips in between. She sucked lightly at her skin, wanting to leave her mark now, as her hand stroked up Elizabeth's waist and gently cupped her breast, giving it a squeeze. Elizabeth quietly hummed in pleasure, eyes closed as she focused on the beautiful sensations on her skin.

Ramona could tell by the all too familiar expression on her ex-girlfriend's face that she was doing everything right. Her thumbs slowly circled the stiffened peaks on her breasts as she licked over the dark spot she left on Elizabeth's neck. Ramona was taking it slow and Elizabeth had no objections, she could've laid there and enjoyed this moment for all eternity.

As Ramona leaned in for another soft kiss against her lips and her fingers lightly pinched her nipples, causing the blonde to gasp audibly into the kiss, Elizabeth let her fingers slip into her brunette hair. Her unscathed leg slid up Ramona's side as she held her close into the kiss, taking her time to taste her tongue, before she let her move further down her body again.

Ramona's fingers alone had caused a tingle between Elizabeth's thighs but the way her lips now wrapped around her sensitive bud and began sucking, stirred the heat between her legs even more.

Elizabeth couldn't help the light grip she had on Ramona's locks now, keeping her in place as she pleasured her breasts, drawing soft whimpers from her. And Ramona relished the feeling, the taste of Elizabeth's skin, the smell of her blood, the light tugs on her hair as she listened to those pleasurable sounds that she loved so much. The more she kissed and tasted her, the more she realized just how much she had missed being in her presence. Especially right up close.

The strong scent of black licorice that ascended from her wounds reminded her of the many times they had incorporated blood into their sex life but especially of the time Elizabeth had turned her. It made her want to just lick right over them but she restrained herself and continued focusing on the sensitive skin of her breasts instead.

A quiet moan sounded from the blonde's lips, when she felt Ramona's teeth beginning to nibble at her skin. She looked down at the brunette, watching as she playfully devoured her breasts, turning her on even more.

" _I want you so badly_ ," Elizabeth rasped, biting down on her bottom lip to keep another whimper inside. Ramona grinned up at her, living for the desperation in her voice. She started slowly kissing and biting her way further down her body, licking over the little marks her teeth left on her skin, until she settled comfortably between her legs.

She left kisses all around the hem of her thong, sucking at the insides of her thighs as even she herself grew more and more desperate to finally taste her sweetest spot. But she knew how much they both loved the teasing and she could feel how damp Elizabeth's panties were already as she brushed her thumb across them.

Elizabeth felt like she was going crazy. This woman's touch was unlike any other and no one had ever truly managed to make her feel the way Ramona did with her lips and fingers. "Baby, _please_ ," she whimpered, desperate for the friction as she pressed herself up against her thumb and Ramona's lips kept moving closer to where she needed them.

" _Hold still_ ," Ramona commanded her and pinned down her hips to the mattress with her hands, before she finally stripped her of her thong. Elizabeth watched her attentively, seeing the nearly entranced look on Ramona's face as the brunette eyed her aching sex, slick with desire for her.

She leaned in, pressing a soft kiss to her lower lips, before finally pushing her tongue in between them, causing Elizabeth's body to squirm underneath her as she moaned out in pleasure. Ramona was so captured by her taste, she whimpered against her herself as she licked her up and down. Elizabeth's grip on her curls tightened when she felt her hot tongue against her sensitive clit and whimpered a desperate "yes."

This was already the best experience she had had of being eaten out in a while. She was not hard to please but no one knew how to push her buttons quite like Ramona did.

The brunette dipped her tongue inside of her teasingly a couple of times, before she looked up at her with a grin and brought two of her fingers between her lips. Once they were coated in her wetness, she pushed them deep inside of her, causing Elizabeth's head to fall back with a moan.

A satisfied smirk on her face, Ramona leaned right back in to circle her clit with her tongue as she curled her fingers inside of her, before moving them in and out in a steady rhythm. Elizabeth moaned her name as she fought the urge to rock her hips in sync with the pumping thrusts of Ramona's fingers, who still pinned her down with her other hand.

Though Elizabeth loved to be dominant during sex, the alternating power dynamics they always had when fucking one another, got her off even when she wasn't in control. Because Ramona putting her in her place was extremely sexy to her in contrast to any man.

The more Ramona licked and sucked at her clit and her fingers drummed against her sweet spot on the inside, the closer Elizabeth felt herself growing towards her orgasm.

"Come on, baby, let me taste your cum all over my lips," Ramona encouraged her as she felt Elizabeth's hips struggling harder and harder against her grip, pressing up against her lips until Elizabeth finally felt that drop in her stomach she'd so desperately been craving.

Ramona could feel her release coat her fingers as the blonde cried out in pleasure and a shudder coursed through her body. A happy smirk widened on Ramona's face as she pulled out and licked her fingers sensually, before leaning in to lap up her sweet cum with her tongue. Elizabeth's hands pushed Ramona's head even closer, unable to get enough of the feeling of her tongue inside of her.

But as she found herself in this state of bliss, thrown back to simpler times, it also did not take long until she was pulled right back to reality and was reminded of their broken relationship. Reminded of this beautiful thing they once had, that she just experienced again, and how they lost it.

When Ramona crawled back up her body, Elizabeth pulled her into a deep kiss, arms and legs wrapping around her, desperate to hold her close and stay in this moment for a little while longer. But she couldn't stop the tears from welling up in her eyes.

Ramona pushed a strand of her blonde hair that had come undone out of her face, looking down at her almost lovingly until she noticed the tears and she, too, was reminded of the situation they found themselves in.

"Was it that bad? You look like you're about to cry," Ramona noted, feeling a slight pain in her heart that she desperately tried to deny. "Or are you just afraid of what comes next?" she added, hoping Elizabeth wouldn't call her bluff because she felt even less ready to kill her now than before.

She didn't want to feel sorry for Elizabeth but they had both felt those intense feelings just moments ago. The feelings of time turning back as if nothing bad ever happened and they were in love again.

Elizabeth shook her head. Feeling Ramona's tongue and fingers in and on her was something she hadn't expected to ever feel again and it brought back _all_ the feelings she thought she'd buried deep inside. "I just missed you," she whispered as a tear rolled down her cheek, causing Ramona to furrow her eyebrows at her.

"If you don't stop getting so damn sentimental with me," she warned her, wondering if Elizabeth was bluffing herself at this point to buy herself more time. But deep down she knew she wasn't bluffing. She could feel her heartbeat and she knew what it felt like when she was lying. This was not it.

The brunette took a deep breath and moved her body next to Elizabeth's, now hesitantly pulling her in. She couldn't believe she was actually comforting her right now, the very woman who had caused her so much pain, the woman she was here to kill.

If anyone should be comforted it was probably Ramona. But then again, she had never experienced Elizabeth this wounded and fragile before. Even the loss of their friends in the 80s had not caused her so much distress.

So there it was again, that vulnerability only Ramona ever got to see. She bit her lip as her ex-girlfriend curled into her the same way she used to decades ago when they were still together and in love. Whenever she needed to be held, whenever she couldn't fall asleep, whenever she needed comfort, this was the exact position they'd always found themselves in.

It was almost an instinctive response for Ramona to kiss her head now but instead she just rested her chin on it. She could feel the old feelings bubbling up again herself and she despised it.

She was here to kill Elizabeth, not fall back in love with her. After everything she'd done to her. How could she still feel empathy for such a monster?


	2. Don’t push it.

Elizabeth pressed her face against Ramona's chest, just focusing on the sensations of her arms around her, the relative warmth of her body, her loud heartbeat, her chin on her head. It all felt comforting and weirdly calming.

This was the moment she would have gladly bid her life goodbye. This was the position in which she was comfortable enough to die in, in Ramona's arms. But the knife to her throat never came.

And so a few moments later, as Elizabeth tilted her head back to look up at her ex and Ramona's hazel eyes stared right back at her, she leaned in to kiss her again. Ramona responded sensitively to the kiss, leaning into it and allowing her tongue to slip into Elizabeth's mouth.

The blonde's hand rested on Ramona's cheek as she deepened the kiss, wanting to press her body even closer but the pain of her wounds stopped her from moving around much more.

"If I stop crying, will you sit on my face?" Elizabeth whispered against her lips, gently stroking her cheek. If she was given more time, she wanted to get one more chance to taste and pleasure Ramona just like she had her. Make her make those beautiful sounds one more time.

Ramona looked right back into her eyes with a nod. "Yes," she whispered and let Elizabeth capture her lips in another slow and soft kiss. Then she lightly pushed her back by her shoulder so Ramona could shift her body back on top of her.

Sliding her arms around her waist as they kissed, Elizabeth's hands slipped up into her thick hair, fingers toying with the strap of her dress at the back of her neck until it came undone.

As the top half of Ramona's dress dropped down and revealed her luscious cleavage, Elizabeth was looking in awe at her breasts, her hand cupping one gently. Ramona was nearly as mesmerized by Elizabeth's reaction to her body as Elizabeth was by her body. She had forgotten just how beautiful and desired she felt when Elizabeth looked at her that way.

Elizabeth's free hand stroked back down Ramona's back to pull down the zipper as far as she could reach, prompting Ramona to finally take off the dress entirely, before she moved back on top of her ex-girlfriend.

Elizabeth had missed this view. Ramona was truly the most beautiful woman she had ever met and now here she was again, back in her arms naked, her brown skin glistening in the dim lights of the room.

Their kisses got more passionate by the minute, Ramona humming in pleasure at the feeling of her breasts pressed up against the blonde's. Being this close to her body again, skin to skin, felt nothing if not intoxicating.

Elizabeth's hand now wandered down her back to her ass, giving it a good squeeze, before her finger toyed with the hem of her panties. "These, too," she demanded and slid her hand inside of them to give her ass another squeeze.

Ramona did as Elizabeth asked and slid her panties down as well until there was no fabric left in between them.

"Mm that's better," Elizabeth hummed against her lips and pulled her a little closer, ignoring the pain she felt when Ramona's weight pressed against her wounds. Her hands roamed the brunette's body as their tongues explored each other's mouths, humming soft moans against each other's lips.

Elizabeth's grip on her ass pushed Ramona up a little further until the blonde's lips were met with her breasts.

Ramona let out a quiet moan as Elizabeth kissed up on her and wrapped her lips around her sensitive nipple, flicking her tongue over it with relish. "Oh baby," Ramona hummed in response and closed her eyes, taking in the pleasurable sensation. It had been too long since someone had paid this much attention to her erogenous zones.

Even the pleasurable sounds Elizabeth made as she gently sucked and nibbled at her sensitive peaks drove Ramona crazy. She could feel the pulsing sensation between her legs, wanting more, but she let Elizabeth tease her for a little longer because it felt too good to interrupt.

Finally Elizabeth looked up at her, licking her lips. "Come on, baby. Let me taste you," she encouraged her and gave her a smirk as her hand grabbed her ass again.

Without hesitation Ramona crawled up her body and positioned herself above Elizabeth's face, feeling the blonde's hands moving up her thighs to shift her just right. Ramona held on to the headboard at first but as she felt Elizabeth's lips kissing up on her inner thighs, she placed her hands on top of hers, intertwining their fingers.

Elizabeth took her time kissing and licking her sensitive skin, slowly but surely moving closer to her sweet spot, which was about to drip on her tongue.

Ramona felt like she was going insane, trying hard to let Elizabeth do her thing instead of just smothering her with her wanting sex. This woman loved teasing her a little too much but it was always worth it in the end. After all, it felt _incredible_.

When Elizabeth's lips finally reached Ramona's and spread wet kisses all over them, the brunette let out a whimper, hardly able to bear the anticipation any longer. And that's when she finally felt her tongue where she needed it the most, drawing a long sensual moan from her lips as it pushed up against her clit.

Elizabeth could feel Ramona squeeze her hands, letting out a moan herself as she finally got to taste her sweet fruit again. There was no better feeling in the world than that of Ramona reacting to the touch of her tongue.

She wanted to tell her how good she tasted but her tongue was too busy finding its way to her entrance, circling it slowly before she pushed it as deep inside as she could.

Ramona gripped her hand a little tighter as she whimpered out, her other hand letting go and finding a grip on her ruffled blonde hair instead.

Elizabeth pressed her nose up against Ramona's clit as her tongue pumped in and out of her at a steady rhythm, causing Ramona's hips to rock along with her thrusts.

Elizabeth's free hand moved up her ex-girlfriend's waist to her breast, squeezing it as she moaned against her sex.

The brunette held onto Elizabeth's hair as her hips' movements became more frantic, rubbing up against her nose as best as she could while her tongue was still pushing inside of her. She had barely any control left over her body, which appeared more than desperate to reach that orgasm she was edging on.

"Fuck," she cried out, as Elizabeth pushed her down on her mouth even further, just as desperate to give her that orgasm she longed for.

It didn't take much longer, a few more rubs against her nose, until Ramona was riding high on her wave of pleasure, crying out Elizabeth's name as she grabbed onto the headboard again trying to hold herself up.

Her legs were shaking around Elizabeth's head, trying hard to resist the urge of squeezing together because after all, this was not the way she meant to kill her.

Elizabeth lapped up as much of her sweet release as she could, before coming up for air. Ramona dropped down beside her, letting out a satisfied sigh. Elizabeth turned towards her as much as she could without being in too much pain, pulling her closer and meeting her lips in a deep kiss.

Tasting herself on Elizabeth's tongue brought back memories for Ramona that she had been repressing for a long time. She hummed in pleasure against her lips, before pulling back a bit to catch her breath.

"That was quick," Elizabeth smirked and brushed her thumb across Ramona's cheek, before moving her arm back around her waist.

"Don't push it," Ramona warned her, feeling slightly embarrassed by how quickly her ex had managed to make her cum. It really had been a while since she had a proper orgasm and her body was not afraid to show it, to Ramona's disdain.

Elizabeth pressed a gentle kiss to her lips. "I'm not judging," she promised sincerely, causing Ramona's frown to soften a bit again as their noses touched. "Your pussy still tastes like heaven," she whispered and smiled, before she leaned in for another long soft kiss.

This level of intimacy felt so heavenly to her. It reminded her that she truly hadn't felt a love like Ramona's in the years since she left her. As much as she wanted to deny it, nothing matched the way she felt with her.

And the way Ramona reacted to her touch and kisses, she knew she couldn't be the only one. She could feel Ramona's heart beating faster than she likely wanted it to.

Ramona hated every minute of how safe and comfortable she felt in Elizabeth's arms, how intoxicated she felt by her kiss. The hold this woman had on her after she had tried for so long to hate her was not fair. Fucking with her brain, fucking with her feelings when she should've been dead by now already.

But any willpower to put a knife to her throat now was next to gone. She was still in her post-orgasm bliss, which after all this time, felt way too precious for her to just give up right away.

It had been too long since she had felt this type of intimacy with someone and she had no idea how long it would take her to feel an ounce of happiness like this again, even if it was with the woman she despised.

She moved in a little closer and rested her head on Elizabeth's shoulder, seeking her closeness and warmth after sex. She should've been ruthless, just slit her throat and killed her right then and there like she promised herself she would. But her longing to be held for a little while longer far overshadowed her need for revenge right now.

When her arm slid around Elizabeth's waist, the blonde's rested on top of it as her hand slipped into Ramona's hair, stroking it gently.

They both felt a little drowsy after their orgasms, the sleepy hormones kicking in, and as they lay there in their snug position, they allowed themselves to close their eyes and drift off to sleep.

Luckily for Ramona, it didn't take her too long to wake up from her nap again. Elizabeth was in a much deeper sleep as her wounds were still healing.

As she woke up, Ramona looked up at her sleeping ex, who was once again, in the perfect vulnerable position to be killed. She looked at her nails, then at Elizabeth's throat but her desire to slit it was almost non-existent in this moment.

Ramona shook her head and removed herself from Elizabeth's side, careful not to wake her. She felt a desire to stay and that was exactly her cue to leave. Because what she didn't want was to wake up with Elizabeth as if it were the 70s again.

Her rage was not gone after one fuck and she was not about to let it be erased by Elizabeth's idea of reconciliation just to spare her life. She was going to come back. And next time, her ex-girlfriend really wouldn't make it out alive.

Ramona put her dress back on and scoffed at the blonde, lying there in her peaceful sleep as her wounds slowly shrinked to nothing. She shook her head again, unable to believe she had let it come to this after all these years of seeking revenge. But she needed a break, a moment to collect herself after all this unexpected intimacy. And so she left.


End file.
